You own three Bob Marley T-shirts, but you can't name a single one of his songs.
You've spent the past six hours telling the story of the time you met the drummer from Phish's cousin.
In the middle of eating a box of Nilla Wafers you start thinking what a weird word "Nilla" is.
You're still giggling about a Seth Rogen movie you saw six months ago.
The crap Paula Deen cooks looks AMAZING to you.
You know what oxygen tastes like.
You think this list is about you because I've been watching you. Don't you? DON'T YOU?
You wear a shark tooth necklace and . . . No, that's it, actually.
You just got into a fistfight with some ignorant a-hole who tried to claim regular Frisbee was just as good as Ultimate Frisbee.
You're the only one at Thanksgiving who has something to talk about with that one weird uncle who lives in a van.
You just wrote an angry letter to the Pulitzer Prize board for overlooking a riveting article in "High Times" about how to make a bong out of an apple.
You're a morning radio DJ who gets off work at 10:00 AM and has to find SOMETHING to fill the rest of his day.
The only thing in life you know for sure is that no one could POSSIBLY get sick of you spending every waking second quoting lines from "Friday".
When a friend asks for the time and you tell him it's 4:20, you're pretty sure he's legally required to give you a high-five and a bong hit.
You honestly don't see how being a white kid with filthy dreads and a Jamaica bumper sticker on your BMW makes you a poseur.
You think the key to pulling chicks is staring at them with sexy bloodshot eyes, then giving them a whiff of the aromatic, skunky smell that follows you around 24/7.
When your friend tells you his water pipe has burst you're relieved to find out he's just talking about the plumbing.
You're more embarrassed about your low score in "Call of Duty" than you are about still living with your mom.